Suicide 自杀

Today i will post up my new post with two language , chinese and english ...
What im gonna write is just my opinion about suicide .

Recently, suicide became a HOT topic after Alviss Kong's death with a suicide note at Facebook . No longer , here comes a ' Lun sky ' who wanna follow Alviss's way .
I saw his wall, all of his status seems so sad . I dont know wheather it is real or not prank but still i do my best to advice him . Well , life cannot take 2 . Actually, im kinda disagree with some of the people who keep encouraged him him to die , i know that they also disagree what he is trying to do but still they should not ask him go to die right ... Haiz ...

Honestly , before this 我曾经有自杀的想法， 因为当时处于叛逆期， 所以时常会有这种想法。我并不是想博取同情而是我受不了父母的管促， 受不了学校带来的压力， 受不了同学说我的不是， 也更加受不了我和男友分手的日子。 I never deny that im not pretty as other girls, im not taller than other people ... 自杀的方法有很多， 吃安眠药死的， 喝拖地水死的， 烧炭自杀死的， 跳楼死的， 割脉死的， 特地冲出马路死的 。 但最后我真的没那个勇气去死，因为我想到种种的后果。我舍不得我爸妈， 虽然我爸不大爱理我， 虽然我每次跟我妈说话很少会没争吵，但有时想会我们美好的回忆，我都会不禁的笑起来.

I still remember that when im just a little girl about 4 years old, i start to stole things, no matter it is just a cheap stuff or sweet . My parent scold me like hell , honestly , i dont understand why i will get that such of habit . Maybe i wanna caught my parents attention , 从小 我都是由我的婆婆来照顾的， 我爸妈就忙着做工， 甚至做到半夜才回来。 我自小就认定最爱最疼我的是婆婆， 而我爸最疼的是妹妹， 妈最疼的就是弟弟， 即使到现在也不成改变。我呢， 只能从中得到那么一点点的爱。 我不曾怪我爸妈， 只怪我从小就给了一个坏印象给他们。我时常抱怨我父母为何对我那么差，我又没得罪他们。Till my grandpa and grandma pass away, im alone all the day . I dint cry when my grandma passed away , everyone asked me why dont i cry , grandma loves me a lot then i still dint cry . After a few days , i start to cry , i miss her , i dont cry when she passed away coz i knew that she may dont want me to cry ... Grandma : I really miss you a lot ... How are you now ?? Everytime i go to school , i saw many parents and some 公公婆婆will accompany them to school . I feel sad ... coz why dont my parents accompany me and my beloved grandma had passed away , i will never have this chance in my entire life ...

And im now in secondnary school , 我体会到许多事情。中一，我首次带电话到学校被抓，我爸妈骂道我狗血淋头。从此我不曾专心上课，整天忙着跟朋友聊天，逃课。我也对这个家慢慢厌倦了， 因为我妈常scold me for nothing 有事没事都抓握一把来骂。爸爸也只顾着做工也不曾真正关心我。

好了， 没多久我就升上了中二。家中是非更多了。我跟爸妈之间也产生了许多摩擦，曾为了我偷偷在上学之前去逛街而吵，也曾为了我在学校频频犯事而吵架，更荒的是， 我们也曾为了我要去做工而吵足几个月。我就更不喜欢我父母了！也想离家出走。。。

Right now , im in Form 3 . In this year , i be more mature than before. I used to know that whats happening around me that could affect me forever. 说真的我也曾经离家出走但却不超过从我家门口的100米就被我妈拉回来了。那时的确是我一时的冲动，但也是我妹妹亲手把门打开要我走的。。。试问，身在幸福的你能体会到我的心情吗？我心从那天起就彻底失望了。 在学校里头，我每天都在嘻嘻哈哈得在过日子，相反的在家，我却好冷漠。最好是不用说话，也就是因为我心淡了，我妹妹也不对我客气了，我俩就和租客没两样。。。 我为此哭了不懂及多遍。

The thing i can confirm is , my mum was the person who always used to fight against me , but the one i love so much still my mom . 我多么渴望能和她有个温暖的抱抱，我多么渴望能亲一亲她的脸狹。你们懂吗， 在我有生之年，在我回忆里， 我从没真真正正地亲过她。。。当我看见我妈妈在跟我吵那时，我心里总是不大好受。。。 因为我爱你啊妈 。。。 在这半年里， 算是我最低潮的时候，我突然想真真正正地读书了。。。我厌倦了那种颓废的生活 。。。I want to prove to my mom that i can study well, i can get a good result ! I change my attitude ! I prove to her that im a brand new daughter ... But still i failed ... I get a good result but she never praise me but to keep 讽刺我 。。。 How sad am i ... Now, im waiting my evidence to prove to her that i really work hard on my study ... And now , im a big girl with a mature mind setting . Im prepared for my Form 4 study life ... I dont know wheather i can handle my study stuff but i will do my very best ....

Well , this is my life ... Till now , i keep myself away for the thinking of suicide ... Coz i realize , you never try never know . I not yet have my own achievement , i still not yet met my prince ... I dont want to just give up my life ... Im the one who control my life but not the life to control me ...

At last , i forget to say ... 我和妹妹最终还是和好如初了，我和妈妈的关系。。。还是老样子啦，只不过比以前好多了。。。 Aiyo , the conclusion is , I LOVE YOU GUYS ! Please forgive what i've done before this ...